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Main Cast

  • Dick Masterson - A big man with a small face and a smaller ideal government.


  • Allegra Ringo - A podcaster, dog lover, and probably a feminist blogger.
  • Asterios Kokkinos - A paradoxically loud and sneaky Greeky.
  • Denzel Walkes - The ho-host with the mo-most. Good taste in music.
  • Dick's Man - Dick's Man Steve. Married at Burning Man, witnessed by a cat.
  • Joan Ford - Like, a UCB Tournament of nerds regular?
  • Joe Starr - Hollywood Superstarr, writer for Screen Junkies or something.
  • Joey Clift - Wrestling fanatic, and another guy with a podcast.
  • Larry Bleidner - A velvet-voiced father with a "take no shit" attitude.
  • Life Coach - A second amendment man. Starts fights with murderers.
  • Madcucks - Our very own dull-voiced master satirist.
  • Mark David Christenson - Host of the podcast I will Watch Anything Once, another guest that attempts comedy.
  • Mike Cernovich - Angry lawyer, pharmaceutical enthusiast, aggressive tweeter.
  • Null - Creator of Kiwi Farms, helped develop 8chan. Milk enthusiast.
  • Robin Higgins - A comedic chemist that utilizes the power of chemistry to forcefully make others laugh.
  • Sam Hyde - School shooter and terrorist. Had his TV show taken down by social media terrorists.
  • Peach Saliva - Streamer, funnier than Asterios the career comedian.
  • Harmful Opinions - Youtube commentator

Call in / Rage board

  • Dustin - The Facebook Meme Man, "Chief Dickhead" and "beloved" return caller.
  • David Clegg - Case for "People who like to sleep" being a problem, lonely. alleged paedophile, Hulk Hogan and Asterios impressionist.
  • Lettuce Jones - Antagonistic leafy jailbird of mysterious race. Likes books. Likely to be "Doing the shanking".
  • Izzy Nobre - Brazilian podcaster, ringer, really big fan of TBPITU. Current Rage Board champion.
  • Slag Tess - Madcucks' girlfriend, misses Sean. Probably sleeping with whatever our satirical Rucka ends up getting called.
  • Spinach Smith - Arch rival to Lettuce Jones, wants to be the next co-host to the Dick Show.
  • Wauterboi's bird - SQUAK
  • Chinese Tony - hates life. Wants to die. Also Chinese.
  • Spicy Tony - conned out of a job. Not Chinese.

External Characters

Never heard directly on the show but very much still Characters within TDS Universe.