Goss Timeline

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Goss runs through podcasts like a bags of sand through the hourglass. This page aims to be the complete timeline of Goss relating to The Dick Show, The Biggest Problem In The Universe, and fine Corinthian leather manpurses.

† denotes shit that needs exact dates, to be expanded upon, or otherwise special autistic attention. Relevant links should also be added as much as possible, where appropriate.

The Biggest Problem In The Universe

  • 20th of May, 2014 - Maddox, writer of "The Best Page In The Universe" releases the first episode of a podcast titled "The Biggest Problem In The Universe", co-hosted by the only other person who can match his calibre of trolling; Dick Masterson, author of "Men Are Better Than Women". Together with Audio Engineer Sean, Producer Randy, and frequent guest Asterios, this podcast would go on to accrue several million downloads and be hailed by many as "The Best Podcast in The Universe". Unfortunately, it would only live for two years.
  • During the show - Maddox would routinely chastise Dick for such minor things as interrupting him, not cc'ing him on emails, his (comedically over-the-top) behaviour toward women, and not thanking him for snacks. Occasionally, Maddox would request Dick do a second ad read if the first wasn't "good enough", despite the read being fine as judged by Sean and Asterios. The trend of being petty and overly controlling would continue throughout the entire show.

The Biggest Wedding In The Universe

  • Sometime before November 3rd, 2015 - Maddox and Dick attend the wedding of a mutual friend. Among the other attendees is one "Wedding Ex", a girl who was once romantically linked with Maddox three years prior to this engagement. Dick, having spied a single, beautiful girl at a wedding, inquired about her penis situation. They then left the wedding together, an event which would send Maddox into a hysterical fit of chump syndrome. He proceeded to blow up Wedding Ex's phone with calls and texts, repeatedly asking her "DID YOU GO HOME WITH DICK?" (with a 95% chance of all caps). Maddox would later assert that he only sent a single text, which was only because he thought Dick was driving drunk. Wedding Ex presumably did not respond to these texts because she was busy allegedly getting to know Dick. She is quoted as saying "I'm glad that maniac doesn't know where I live".
  • After The Wedding - Maddox confronts Dick with what happened after the wedding. He asserts that he was "creating a friendship" between his current girlfriend and Wedding Ex, and that Dick "ruined it". Many Dickheads believe this is Maddoxian code for him wanting to engage in some weird polyamorous relationship fuckery with Wedding Ex and his current girlfriend. Dick later reassures Maddox that he didn't sleep with Wedding Ex, something that Maddox apparently believed. Keep in mind, Maddox is with his current girlfriend during the time of his pussy grapes and cellular harassment. Apparently, this was "really hard on the poor girl".

The Biggest Breakup In The Universe

  • Sometime before November 3rd, 2015 - After this event, Maddox asked Dick not to be present for Episode 77 of TBPITU. Instead, the episode was co-hosted by Asterios Kokkinos, the Sneaky Greek. During this episode, Maddox simply states "Dick couldn't be here," subtly attempting to smirch Dick's name. It is the only (real) episode of TBPITU not to star Dick, featured the problems of "Virginity Stigma" and "Cowardly Perverts", and was full to the brim of liberal pussy-quivering and apologetics. For these reasons, it was the most poorly received episode of the show and is known colloquially to fans as "the Dickless episode". This episode was published on November 3rd 2015 and was recorded most likely days before this.
  • During the following months - The events of Episode 77 and Dick taking home Wedding Ex had formed a turning point for the show. Tensions between the hosts began to rise, debates began to feature personal attacks, and the angry arguments about one another's problems subtly turned into angry arguments about one another.
  • December 2nd, 2015 - Dick, Maddox and Randy sit down at "The Parlor Room", a shitty bar. Maddox used this time to go through a "single-spaced, two-page list of grievances" that Dick had done, and attempted to squeeze a larger percentage of the show's profits out of Dick. After two hours of this, Dick snaps and calls Maddox a "sanctimonious prick", and tells him to "watch his fucking tone". Maddox huffs and fans himself, before replying "There's no place for name-calling in this conversation,". At this point, Dick tunes out. It was apparently a "brutal night", and even Randy - as impossible to read as he usually is - "looked like he wanted to blow his head off".
  • Sometime before May 17th, 2016 - Maddox has had the seed of a podcast network planted in his mind by someone who no doubt looks like Steve Rogers, as a way for the fading writer (scoff) to preserve his legacy and achieve a semblance of relevance in a world that is quickly forgetting him. Maddox calls for a two week hiatus to prepare his podcast network, during which time Maddox asserted that they would put out a clip show for each week of the hiatus. Dick asked if he could record an episode with Tim Changzzzzz (PEW PEW PEW) in his absence, since Maddox recorded one with Asterios and also ain't nobody want a fucking clip show. Maddox declined this, as it was "possible that Dick might say something that could damage [Maddox's] brand".
  • Sometime before May 31st, 2016 - Maddox calls Asterios, Sean, and Randy to his house to record what would be the final episode of TBPITU. He begins by addressing those in the room with a literally teary-eyed tirade about how Dick is dead to him, having just recently learned that Dick and Wedding Ex did the Casper Smash. Nobody in the room would be allowed to mention Dick at all on the show, or it would be cut and the segment deleted. The show is then begun, and the final episode is recorded, with not a single mention of Dick, despite co-hosting the show for two years and arguably making the show what it was. It was later determined that Maddox had cancelled the show days prior and thus would have already known of the alleged betrayal. This has led to speculation that the aforementioned crying fit was merely a play to curry the favor of Asterios and Sxkwan.
  • May 31st, 2016 - The final episode of TBPITU is released, and the fanbase collectively loses its mind. No word of anything behind the scenes had been revealed, and the fanbase had waited three weeks just to get cucked by their favourite show. Speculation as to whether Dick finally went to rehab or fucked himself out of existence ran rampant through the fan communities. Maddox refused to explain anything about Dick and began deleting comments and posts inquiring about him. The Biggest Problem Subreddit feared for their free speech and revoked Maddox's moderator status, and speculation grew even wilder.

The Dick Show & The Manpurse Network

  • June 1st, 2016 - Dick tweeted "You want it, you got it" in regards to fan demands for a Dick podcast. He later launches a Patreon, which soars straight through the goals set and became one of the quickest rising and most funded patreons of all time, currently sitting within the top 50 of all Patreons.
  • June 6th, 2016 - Maddox's new show, The Best Debate In The Universe, releases its first episode. Starring Maddox and Sean, it's a self-indulgent, cringeworthy traipse through why Maddox likes radio so much and whether or not the new Ghostbusters was sexist or something. All wrapped in the patented Maddox™-branded style, this episode was pushed to the devices of listeners of TBPITU (an act frequently referred to as 'Stealing the Feed'), with many unaware that the old show had been cancelled. Many listeners again asked where Dick was, prompting deleted comments or bans.
  • June 7th, 2016 - Dick's first episode, Episode 1 Dick on Mexico, is released. In it, Dick asserts that the breakup is due to 'Artistic Differences'. This entrée given to the fans briefly sated their goss appetite, and was in stark contrast to Maddox's "media blackout" approach to explaining the breakup, which to this day continues to create demand for goss. Dick also makes sure to thank Maddox for his time on The Old Show, demonstrating his ability to be a grown man about things.
  • June 13th, 2016 - Maddox starts up a Patreon of his own (albeit one for his infrequently updated YouTube account), which sails all the way up to roughly $250 and stays there. His Patreon also features a $1,000 "benefactor" tier, with the only details being "Contact me for discussion". Lol.
  • June 17th-18th, 2016 - Maddox deletes the original website for TBPITU, replacing it with a simple "RIP" and a Soundcloud playlist containing all the episodes (which may or may be on an account that gets paid by the listen). Dick mirrors the original on his new website, further endearing the new host to his fans.
  • June 21st, 2016 - Maddox takes to twitter like a teenage girl, blocking Dick, and passive aggressively implying things to old fans. This is the first occasion in which Maddox took the high road, explaining to a listener that "...Sometimes being a bigger man means keeping quiet".
  • August 15th - August 30th 2016 - Maddox decides to give away TBPITU bonus episodes with the archive at the old site, as "people were pirating them anyway", and Dick's quote of "What am I, a copyright police?" (in response to a question of whether a free hosting of the TBPITU bonus episodes should be taken down) was apparently an admission from Dick that pirating the bonus episodes is A-OK and that Maddox is completely justified in giving away something that they both worked on for free/adoration. It's revealed somewhere† that if anyone wants a show on the Manpurse Network that they must never go on The Dick Show.
  • September 25th, 2016 - Maddox uploads a video "explaining" what happened to TBPITU, causing a butterfly effect in the world of goss, linking to page where you were supposed to enter a password that he tried to get trending: #DickLies. In the video, Maddox alleges numerous things, among them that Dick was doing financially shady things, and that the "official board" maintains a rape list. Maddox then shared the video with his personal circle of friends, causing Dick to be exiled from UCB Theater, and dealing significant damage to his PPR via a carefully manipulated Job Lynch Mob. Not a day later, this video is released, lampooning Maddox's attempted Chewbacca defense and giving rise to the fan favourite character Madcucks. Full analysis of this video is on Episode 18
  • October 3rd, 2016 - Dick releases an "emergency podcast" Episode 18, in order to openly address the things alleged against him in Maddox's Huff-po style hit piece. Dick also reveals the real reason TBPITU ended, and tells one half of the story of The Wedding.
  • December 19th, 2016 - Sean, who had previously been working as an audio engineer and co-host on both shows, announces he will be departing Maddox's show. This caused the playcount on this song to skyrocket, with Dickheads all around the world chanting "DIIIIIICK IIIIS THE WINNNEERRRRRR". Sean would later respond to Clegg's questions about why he left Madcast, stating (paraphrased) "I've been a long time friend with Dick, and this show pays me a fuckload. Also I'm super busy 'n' shit. I'm working on another serial podcast, as well. I don't know how I managed to do two shows before, and this other show is biting my nuts off. I've got half a mind to piss off to the ass farm and teach those Consuelos how to do some real gardening."
  • Early 2017† - Dust has settled, but the Goss continues to flow. Asterios reveals that he had recorded a prototype of The Best Debate with Maddox and Sean on the day of the final episode of Biggest Problem, a recording that Sean still has contained within the vaults of his "Really Probably Shouldn't Delete This" folder. It's also revealed that Maddox had offered Larry a show on the stupid bag network. Larry declined this offer.
(Autist's note: Alright, now here's where it gets fucky. My understanding of this situation is that Maddox told Asterios that Dick had threatened to punch Larry in the face if he took the offer. The reason this is so fucky is because Asterios delivered this bit of goss [after it being delayed 5 episodes] under the guise of The Enigma, and in rhyme. When Asterios The Enigma returned the following week to clarify, he said it a lot clearer, yet still in third person, and counting The Enigma as a separate person.)
  • Word was also dropped that a mutual friend of Maddox and Dick's was the one to break the news of Dick allegedly sleeping with Wedding Ex to Maddox, tired of him being the only one not to know. This person is said to have a great big red beard, meaning he doesn't match the description of any guest on TBPITU. You'd think this description would be enough to instantly identify him to anyone, but alas, the Dickheads remain in the dark.
  • January 23, 2017 - Maddox files a trademark for The Biggest Problem in the Universe, naming himself as the sole owner. This is discovered two months later and brought to Dick's attention. He replies: "Gentlemen, start your lawsuits!"
  • February 1st - Maddox releases a "comedy album" that is really just a cut up bonus episode, nobody really cares but Maddox posts on twitter that he is at number 6 and then number 3 for "all itunes comedy" which includes basically a bunch of old stand up (nobody buys comedy albums on itunes)
  • February 21st 2017 - Asterios releases "Santa Cuck - Cuckmas Carols:Bald Headed Lies" which reaches #1 on the itunes comedy charts and even charts to #7 on Billboard comedy albums
  • April 10th 2017 - On Episode 45 Madcucks states he is coming out with The Best Book in The Universe, and it can be seen at http://thebestbookintheuniverse.com
  • April 12th 2017 - Dick does a dope AMA on The_Donald
  • April 18th 2017 - Dick Road Rage: Taxation is Theft takes place. Dick closes out the show by thanking everyone for coming and states ~3:30 of uncut livestream accessible via Patreon"I got a nuclear goss bomb ... Maddox has been threatening 80's girl via twitter private messages and I didn't know what to do about it ... But! She was going through some of her stuff the other day and she found an envelope... It is a post breakup 'please get back together with me' letter ... what is it? 2 pages long? and now I have it. Thank you for coming! Welcome to season 2 of The Dick Show See you next tuesday! GFY! *queues intro song*"
  • May 16th 2017 - Episode 50 and Bonus Episode 11 drop, both reference the nuclear goss bomb and it is revealed that Mental Jess has called in to where 80's girl works and she left her name just in case they had "any further questions" with her last name and phone number redacted. Dick states in the Bonus Episode that he will not have the letter read by Madcucks if an apology is made. Otherwise, Dick will have the letter read and all proceeds will go to The 80's Girl Foundation.
  • June 6th 2017 - Dick tweets "Just got out of court. It was weird to see Maddox again. Dumbass wore all black like an Armenian Babadook.", fans are left to speculate and Dick teases talking about this on Episode 55 on Episode 53 as Seasxuan will not be present for Episode 54. Tim Changz is offered a spot on the team for this episode where Sauzuan will be missing however only time will tell if he accepts.
  • June 12th 2017 - Asterios competes in a boxing match with his nemesis, /u/warofthefanboys and I would say that he won full video is available here
  • June 27th 2017 - Dick posts a link to his court filings opposing the Maddox "Biggest Problem In The Universe"