Episode 2

From The Dick Show Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search

Dick on Fathers Day

Link

http://thedickshow.com/episode-2/

Co-Host

Synopsis

Goss

Rages

  • Helicopter Parents - Larry
  • Any form of bullshit - Larry
  • Tossing packages over fences (delivering packages in a shitty way) - Dick

Initial Yeah Review

“God grant me the courage to admit that the history of America is inseparable from the history of Dick bellowing 'Yeah!' at the beginning of his new podcast.” - Fleet Admiral Chester William Nimitz

Approximate length of the “Yeah!”: 1.70 seconds Approximate number of syllables: 7

Impressions: What makes America a rage? On June 14th, 2016 (the date of the second Dick Show podcast) it was the same unbound spirit of invention that had once inspired a teenage watchmaker, by the name of William Penn Jr, to engineer a race of bearded clockwork men, who would later become known as the Amish. On this week, scientists in South Dakota unveiled the world's first battery-powered rifle. Unlike the solar-powered guns and artillery that had been used in conflicts ever since the early days of firearms, these ranged weapons carried their own independent power supplies. For here-on American soldiers would never again be forced to fight with clubs and knives after sundown, or in overcast conditions. No longer would enemies of the U.S. endure the humiliation of being gunned down in broad daylight. Henceforth, courtesy of this land of untold opportunities, you could just as easily be shot under the cover of darkness. This technological step forward emboldened the young Dick Masterson to attempt a giant leap of his own, like a tiny-faced hobbit jumping, back and forth, across the smoldering caldera of Mount Doom. The “yeah!” that opened episode two of the Dick Show clocked in at 1.70 seconds - an unprecedented 33% increase upon the length of its predecessor, provoking astonishment among the chattering classes, and skeptical editorials in the science journal 'Nature', who demanded that this feat be reproduced under laboratory conditions. Reports flooded in of the 'Yeah!' being heard as far away as Kettering, Arizona, where, according to the deputy sheriff, the shock-waves caused dogs to bark and a cloth mannequin in Jane's Dress and Wig Emporium to topple over. This 'yeah!', though revolutionary for its time, is dwarfed by those that came later, in much the same way that a drawn outline of a man is dwarfed by the outline of the brontosaurus that he has been placed alongside, in order to provide a sense of scale. It none-the-less represented impressive progress for Dick, who had received no formal training as a yodeler, had yet to be granted a security clearance and official access to the NASA wind tunnel, and who was unable to afford the vocal engineering software used by the likes of Steve Tyler, from Aerosmith, to sculpt his 'yeahs!' In addition to the increased length there was a newfound complexity in the delivery that caused the jazz critic, Buddy Lemonscales, to describe Dick as “the John Coltrane of 'Yeahs!'” Dick had apparently abandoned the single sustained “yeah!”, in favor of one initial “yeah!” that fractured into six sheered-off syllables that tumbled out consecutively in rapid succession. The impact was similar to watching a flat stone skipping multiple times across the tranquil waters of Lake Dick, Arkansas. A layman might be tempted to compare the choppy delivery to laughter, but this “Yeah!” is no uncontrolled emotional response. Rather it exhibits the disciplined muscle control of one who is well versed in the martial arts. During the week between the first and the second podcast, Dick had ascended a snowy mountain range to the monastery where the Gotham billionaire, Bruce Wayne, had briefly trained with the League of Shadows, prior to a drunken scuffle with the actor, Liam Neeson, that ended with the place burning down. The surviving monks, who had decided that stone and timber buildings were for pussies, constructed a new monastery out of fire and smoke. Here Dick was trained in the 'Tao of Yeah!' over a three day residential course, which also included a tour of some nearby vineyards, a midnight toboggan ride through an 'enchanted forest', and the opportunity to shop for souvenirs at a local market. Meanwhile in a secret basement lair, beneath a Hollywood factory, where an itinerant workforce of illegal immigrants funneled sand into hemp sacking to make fake breast implants, Dick's former co-host, the gelded asexual, known as Smooth Maddox, began to create laboratory-grown copies of himself. These 'Cloned Underling Co-hosts' (C.U.Cs) were immediately put to use by Maddox (henceforth known as Maddox Prime) on a podcast that was intended deceive the listener into thinking that he was debating two sides of a thorny issue. In reality one side of the argument would always be presented by one of Maddox Prime's C.U.Cs Typically each show would claim the lives of around 20 Maddox clones. The fatalities were mostly strangled by Maddox Prime after stumping him with their superior arguments, purchasing the wrong type of apple, failing to thank him for bringing in snacks, or wandering off to have sex with a girl he once fancied in the 9th grade. Here concludes the second part of From the mouths of tiny-faced men: A history of the word 'Yeah!,' as told through the life and times of Dick Masterson

Credit - backwards7ven - Reddit